Right now I'm still living in the hell from cancer. Still grieving all the things it took from me. I always believed that once I heard those words remission. Everything would just go back to normal. Now I just live in fear. Fear that tomorrow I could hear the words again. Fear that if everything doesn't happen right this minute it's never going to happen. I've lost all sense of rationality in being able to live day to day. I'm learning a new me during hard times and it's really hard trying to just pull it together. My life is being led by fear in all directions. Personal. Love. Life. It's like being destroyed from the inside. I'm sitting here in fight or flight mode and my body just won't move.
You lose all sense of hope when you let fear take over. I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff looking for signs of my next move.
I wish there were some simple wise words that could make all that vanish, but there aren't any. I know well the cliff that resides at your feet. For me a day when I go to bed at night and that cliff is still down, then I just prepare to fight for one more day to be on the upside of that cliff.
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