How do you do it? A Love Story

January 1, 2013

January always brings thoughts of love, and my love for Ashley. New Years Eve 2009 was our first kiss and the 20^th of January that same year is when we made it official. Lately our friends have been curious about how we have made it 4 years. I can never just answer this question because the answer is so much more complex. I feel like there are so many different aspects of a relationship, and that is entirely different from having a “fairy tale” romance. If you want to know how Ashley and I can make love look like a fairytale, that is the easy answer, love. That itself can conquer any situation. The rest is relationship etiquette, which is compromise, learning to forgive, and learning to choose your battles. A relationship is never perfect it requires two people putting in equal work, and I am not talking about 50/50, I’m talking about 100/100. A relationship fails when one stops trying and the other one lets the other walk away. There has been a few times in our life that I have not tried my hardest. Ashley refused to give up on me, or us. This brings me to the next ingredient of a functional relationship, forgiveness. If your ego is too big to forgive the one you love for mistakes then you can forget about love. Everyone always says they “don’t want someone perfect”, and “people make mistakes,” nobody is perfect so learning to forgive better make its way up on the priority list. Ashley and I have both made mistakes and we will both make mistakes in the future. We have learned to accept what happened, absorb it, forgive, and move forward. While one partner is forgiving the other better be learning from their mistakes. Again back to 100/100. One mistakes requires both partners to suffer, AND both partners to get each other through.

Stop worrying about the little things. Life is too short to constantly deal with petty things. Love will be even shorter if you let small things have any priority in your life. We all know that no one is perfect; sometimes you just need to bitch about something. I’ve done it, we all have. If you want to avoid something petty turn into a huge argument, then when your other half is having a bad day, shut your mouth and just let then bitch. (This does not apply to someone who ONLY knows how to bitch about everything) In this case you need soul searching on a personal level.

You have to learn to be best friends. Every moment can’t be roses and romance; you have to learn to coexist with someone else. Have fun, laugh, joke around, and for the love of god build a fort. And while you’re building a fort don’t worry about the giant mess your making, because that is the little stuff.

I believe every relationship is different; every person needs a different thing out of their relationship. So your relationship is what you make it. Just as your life if what you make it. Decide what you want, and make it happen. You are in charge of figuring out what it is your partner needs to happy, and if you can provide that while keeping yourself happy. Again both partners need to be 100/100 mentally.

Now that I’ve listed out the ingredients that are essential in having a functional relationship that should pretty much answer the question “How do you do it?” To answer the question, “How did you know she was the one?” Ashley’s favorite answer to this question is, “Well, she hasn’t got rid of me yet.” I however will try and be slightly more detailed. Knowing isn’t always having a light bulb moment. It takes time to ‘really’ know. I do think there is time when you think to yourself, “This could really be it.” I’ll get to that story at the end. But I don’t recall waking up one morning all of a sudden knowing she was the one, it was a lot of different moments that made me realize this has been what I’ve dreamed about. Even with all these amazing moments I still can’t sit here and say the thought of marriage doesn’t still scare me. What I do know is that Ashley still looks at me the same way she did 4 years ago. When I get dressed to go out she still looks at me from head to toe and tells me I look beautiful. Okay that is a slight lie, she usually says, “you’re hot”, followed with “I’d do you.” And if I’m lucky I’ll get a corny pick up line that still makes me giggle. Sounds like a ‘tool’ comment but what you don’t see is the look in her eyes when she says it. Besides I’d rather be hot. Beautiful is saved for those special occasions.

Ashley and I are best friends. We are silly together and we don’t always need to be making out and saying I love you all the time. I love just hanging out with her. We have the perfect ratio of romance and fun. There has been nights were we just watch TV and play games back and forth on our phones. When attention is needed the phones go away. This is something that just works for us.

I really could sit here and go on and on about our love. The truth is not everyone will find their lady prince as I have. If you find someone to love you, be patient with you, and make your day better, then give them yourself 100%. You won’t notice anyone else in the world, and if you do, you better get my attention so we can look together. Find someone who treats you like a princess, not once a month, but every day. Ladies, (Be grateful, not entitled.) If you can make up goofy kisses for every animal there is, a kiss will never be boring again. If you are lucky enough to find someone to give you all of these things then just give it back. A fairytale relationship no longer has an “I”, and you becomes a “we”.

Alright, back to my personal answer, “How did you know?” It was the first year we went to Topsail Island with my family. I was sitting at the table and I noticed Mary looking at Diane the way Ashley looks at me. Then I saw Diane smile and look at Mary the way I look at Ashley. At that moment I knew what I found was special. There is nothing too big or too little that could make me ever give up on this.

Those of you that don’t personally know me, Mary and Diane are two of the many different ‘moms’ I have. They have been in my life since I was 7, and I have been watching them love each other for 18 years. The only thing I ever wanted was the love they have. I hope everyone experiences a fairytale love like ours sometime in their life. Remember everything happens for a reason. One day your life will all come to a point and everything will make sense. Until then roll with the punches, stop being so serious, and just love one another.