Blood, Sweat, N Tears Boot Camp

This is a video giving a little insite to Ashleys personal training business.

https://vimeo.com/65474089

Day 3 - She studied her face in the mirror

Task: "She studied her face in the mirror."

She studied her face in the mirror. The woman starring back isn't what she wants to see. She leans into the sink to look closer at her eyes. Rubbing underneath as if the dark sunken circles would easily rub away. Livy had never seen such a pale looking, sick complexion.

"Ugh, I look so disgusting!" She blurted out in a soft spoken sigh. Just as she put her head down and let a tear fall from her eye.

"Your the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on." She whispered into her ear, while wrapping her arms around Livy from behind.

"Oh Jesus Alexis, you scared the shit out of me." She turned around and playfully punched Alexis in the shoulder. "Your obligated to say that, we're practically married."

"I'm not obligated to do or say anything, and I mean what I say. Your bald head is sexy... I'd do you." Alexis joked.

Livy cracked a little smile. "Well regardless of what you are saying, and everyone else, I still don't feel it. Nor do I believe it in my heart. No one understands what it's like to look in the mirror and see this!" As she points her to face.

"Your right, I don't have any idea what it's like, but I do know that your my wife and everyday that I wake up I think your the sexiest woman I've ever seen. This is only temporary, it's not going to last forever."

"I know, I know, I just want my hair back, I want to be able to throw it up in a messy bun, and let it get all knotted up in a tangled mess. It's just so stupid that cancer had to take my damn hair." Livy laid her head on Alexis's shoulder and began to cry.

"Come on babe, lets get out of here for a while."

Alexis put her hand on Livy's back and guided her out of the bathroom. She grabbed the car keys, her guitar, and some bottled waters and walked out the door.

Day 2 - 30 Day Challenge

Task: Write about the 30th picture in your phone.

The 30th picture in my phone is a quote picture I saved from Facebook. It says "Stop saying "I wish" and start saying "I will." I am so excited that this is the picture I got. I saved this picture to remind me everyday that if I want to make it as a writer I must write. These idea's in my head are not going to magically form themselves into book. And until I can produce some books, Monday through Friday 8-5 I am going to be chained to a desk.

Wishing I was a writer is not going to support my family. Nor will it possibly change a strangers, or even a close friends life. That is what I set out to do. It is what I am 100% sure I was put on this earth for. Something that I write is going to change the lives of millions. This is what I "WILL" do. All I want is a life of happiness and heath. If I can add a NY times best seller to my list of accomplishments then I will have succeed beyond my wildest dreams. I've never had so much passion for anything other than writing. I want the world to know who I am. I want my readers to be able to laugh with me and cry with me. I want strangers to say, "wow I wish I knew that girl." One day my dreams WILL become a reality, as I sit on my writing nook overlooking a lake. Spewing the words of my next masterpiece. One day the world WILL know who I am. One day my readers WILL be laughing, and WILL be crying with me. And I WILL make that NY times best selling list. This is my promise to myself.

Every crack causes a crumble

I can't seem to write anything worth a damn because my head and heart is so full of poison. A few months ago I went through all my writing and threw away all the journal entries that clouded my judgement to move forward, and stay out of the past. I don't even need the written memories because honestly it's all etched into my heart like an engraving on stone. As life goes on those repeated etches become cracks, and the pieces crumble. Little by little pieces of my heart are being etched away. Sometimes the pieces can be mended, leaving an imperfection of wisdom, just as relationships can be mended... After all super glue will fix any broken nicknack... For a little while. But the strength and stability of that super glued nicknack will never hold the same capacity of weight. We can use the same analogy for life. Once the integrity is compromised it will never be the same. Each etch and each crack will hurt a little more, they will begin to reach deeper to the center of the stone. Tiny microscopic pieces will fall and forever be lost. Causing your stone to never be whole again. The cracks will spread, engulfing the stone in a circular web. It has no pin point beginning anymore, they have all morphed into one. Its end will be the day the entire structure collapses, leaving a pile of rubble. You can only mend a heart so many times before there is nothing left to mend. My hearts crumbling, it doesn't even beat. Every time you take those inches and turn them into feet.

How do you do it? A Love Story

January 1, 2013

January always brings thoughts of love, and my love for Ashley. New Years Eve 2009 was our first kiss and the 20^th of January that same year is when we made it official. Lately our friends have been curious about how we have made it 4 years. I can never just answer this question because the answer is so much more complex. I feel like there are so many different aspects of a relationship, and that is entirely different from having a “fairy tale” romance. If you want to know how Ashley and I can make love look like a fairytale, that is the easy answer, love. That itself can conquer any situation. The rest is relationship etiquette, which is compromise, learning to forgive, and learning to choose your battles. A relationship is never perfect it requires two people putting in equal work, and I am not talking about 50/50, I’m talking about 100/100. A relationship fails when one stops trying and the other one lets the other walk away. There has been a few times in our life that I have not tried my hardest. Ashley refused to give up on me, or us. This brings me to the next ingredient of a functional relationship, forgiveness. If your ego is too big to forgive the one you love for mistakes then you can forget about love. Everyone always says they “don’t want someone perfect”, and “people make mistakes,” nobody is perfect so learning to forgive better make its way up on the priority list. Ashley and I have both made mistakes and we will both make mistakes in the future. We have learned to accept what happened, absorb it, forgive, and move forward. While one partner is forgiving the other better be learning from their mistakes. Again back to 100/100. One mistakes requires both partners to suffer, AND both partners to get each other through.

Stop worrying about the little things. Life is too short to constantly deal with petty things. Love will be even shorter if you let small things have any priority in your life. We all know that no one is perfect; sometimes you just need to bitch about something. I’ve done it, we all have. If you want to avoid something petty turn into a huge argument, then when your other half is having a bad day, shut your mouth and just let then bitch. (This does not apply to someone who ONLY knows how to bitch about everything) In this case you need soul searching on a personal level.

You have to learn to be best friends. Every moment can’t be roses and romance; you have to learn to coexist with someone else. Have fun, laugh, joke around, and for the love of god build a fort. And while you’re building a fort don’t worry about the giant mess your making, because that is the little stuff.

I believe every relationship is different; every person needs a different thing out of their relationship. So your relationship is what you make it. Just as your life if what you make it. Decide what you want, and make it happen. You are in charge of figuring out what it is your partner needs to happy, and if you can provide that while keeping yourself happy. Again both partners need to be 100/100 mentally.

Now that I’ve listed out the ingredients that are essential in having a functional relationship that should pretty much answer the question “How do you do it?” To answer the question, “How did you know she was the one?” Ashley’s favorite answer to this question is, “Well, she hasn’t got rid of me yet.” I however will try and be slightly more detailed. Knowing isn’t always having a light bulb moment. It takes time to ‘really’ know. I do think there is time when you think to yourself, “This could really be it.” I’ll get to that story at the end. But I don’t recall waking up one morning all of a sudden knowing she was the one, it was a lot of different moments that made me realize this has been what I’ve dreamed about. Even with all these amazing moments I still can’t sit here and say the thought of marriage doesn’t still scare me. What I do know is that Ashley still looks at me the same way she did 4 years ago. When I get dressed to go out she still looks at me from head to toe and tells me I look beautiful. Okay that is a slight lie, she usually says, “you’re hot”, followed with “I’d do you.” And if I’m lucky I’ll get a corny pick up line that still makes me giggle. Sounds like a ‘tool’ comment but what you don’t see is the look in her eyes when she says it. Besides I’d rather be hot. Beautiful is saved for those special occasions.

Ashley and I are best friends. We are silly together and we don’t always need to be making out and saying I love you all the time. I love just hanging out with her. We have the perfect ratio of romance and fun. There has been nights were we just watch TV and play games back and forth on our phones. When attention is needed the phones go away. This is something that just works for us.

I really could sit here and go on and on about our love. The truth is not everyone will find their lady prince as I have. If you find someone to love you, be patient with you, and make your day better, then give them yourself 100%. You won’t notice anyone else in the world, and if you do, you better get my attention so we can look together. Find someone who treats you like a princess, not once a month, but every day. Ladies, (Be grateful, not entitled.) If you can make up goofy kisses for every animal there is, a kiss will never be boring again. If you are lucky enough to find someone to give you all of these things then just give it back. A fairytale relationship no longer has an “I”, and you becomes a “we”.

Alright, back to my personal answer, “How did you know?” It was the first year we went to Topsail Island with my family. I was sitting at the table and I noticed Mary looking at Diane the way Ashley looks at me. Then I saw Diane smile and look at Mary the way I look at Ashley. At that moment I knew what I found was special. There is nothing too big or too little that could make me ever give up on this.

Those of you that don’t personally know me, Mary and Diane are two of the many different ‘moms’ I have. They have been in my life since I was 7, and I have been watching them love each other for 18 years. The only thing I ever wanted was the love they have. I hope everyone experiences a fairytale love like ours sometime in their life. Remember everything happens for a reason. One day your life will all come to a point and everything will make sense. Until then roll with the punches, stop being so serious, and just love one another.